West Nile Virus is for Pussies

By Jeffton Bopeton III

If you're anything like me, then you're so sick of hearing about West Nile Virus that you're considering injecting it into your own veins. Newspapers, the radio, and TV are all trying to drum up a frenzy of fear. It's good for ratings and all that.

But you're all being a bunch of pussies. First of all, only 29% of all West Nile Virus cases are considered "serious" by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). This means that even if you get the damned thing, you're probably not even going to get more than a fever and a bad upset stomach. Boo hoo, you wimps.

Of all West Nile cases in 2003, less than 3% of them resulted in death. This means that you are pansies for even worrying about it. More people than that die from the flu!

Finally, in 2003 there were about 5800 deaths from cars colliding with pedestrians. Also in 2003, there were 264 deaths from West Nile Virus. This means that if you're worried about West Nile, you are 22 TIMES more likely to die just by walking on the sidewalk!

So to all the parents who don't let their kids play outside for fear of West Nile, to the media who keep trying to pretend it's scary, and to the governments spraying everything with poison to kill mosquitoes: fuck you. None of you are helping anything.

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