Supervillian International News (SIN)
If you've ever watched local news, you know just how stupid something can be before it stops being called journalism. Who cares when three puppies are pulled from a storm drain by bored firemen or when a "hometown hero" brings bad food to another lazy old person? By my caclulations, if a person spends one hour every day watching local news, then by the end of their life at age 72, they will have spent three years in front of their TV's watching college dropouts whose only skill is to smile when they mispronounce words.
There are many things one could do with three extra years, like getting most of a bachelor's degree or masturbating 4000 times. America is a sad place when any of its citizens prefer local news over either of those.
Coming to this conclusion is what inspired me to begin my own news service. Included on this page are only those stories that are important, funny, or include large amounts of sex or violence.
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